absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
