No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have demons in me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
