i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize