I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
