Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
