You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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