I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
