she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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