take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You ruined the universe
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
