just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
