; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
