Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
