I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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