I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
