the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's shark week go big or go home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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