So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
