never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
