My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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