Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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