I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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