So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
