You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
