he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
