Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
