you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
