dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
