I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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