Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
