You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
