She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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