i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
