the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
