Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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