i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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