There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
