If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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