At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
