Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
