My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
As shirtless as possible
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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