everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
