It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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