i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Bring me that man meat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize