Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
