Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
