I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
