wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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