I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
