Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
