if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
