He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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