i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
