Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
