If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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