His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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