FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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