11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
