I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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