He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
