I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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