You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
