If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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