How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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