Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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