I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
